LTASEX

There was recently a story going around about a guy in NYC who was leaving business card in women’s magazines with his name, phone number and handwritten message that read:

[“I am a single white male, 45 years old, 5’9” tall, who wants to give oral sex to a woman, 18 to 59, any race, ethnicity, nationality, religion. I want to satisfy your carnal lust by giving you powerful orgasms.”]

Many people in the media treated the story as if this is a problem. I sincerely don’t see it as one.

John Westwood is a man like many others who likes to eat pussy. Many men and women enjoy the sensory explosion of putting your eyes, nose and mouth that close to the vagina. Many can’t enjoy a thrilling experience such as this often enough. Clearly, Mr. Westwood is among those men. Admittedly, this is the first time I have heard of anyone distributing flyers for their cunnilingus services, but there is a first time for everything… right?

While his methods a tad unconventional, and in the time of craigslist might seem a nigh prehistoric, I think he’s on to something. One of the many reasons people site for not being sexually satisfied in relationships is because they are either not getting enough, or the right kind of sex they want. How else do you get the sex that you want but by asking for it?

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Until a few evenings ago the number of American films that portrayed anything but a carbon copy 2-D image of sexuality I could count on . . . well, I couldn’t count any. In fact if anyone had asked me to recommend a film that realistically portrayed sex, I would have sent them to Spain or France.  I still can’t find any domestic films that suit our purpose, but the 2005 Canadian film ‘Lie With Me’ brings us a little closer to home.

‘Lie With Me’ is a rare and interesting film. It’s a story about sex, which semi-graphically shows sex between two egregiously gorgeous young people, but is neither a fluff art film nor a slapstick pie fucking ‘comedy’.  The film is based off a book of the same name by Tamara Faith Berger who also co-wrote the screenplay with director Clément Virgo. I haven’t read the book and don’t plan to. Since I have never watched a novel to film adaptation better than the source I think I am justified.

The first half of the film follows David (Eric Balfour) and Leila (Lauren Lee Smith), as they haphazardly swirl around each other periodically finding their genitals attached. This part of the film is where everything works. The cinematography, direction, acting, and script find a flow that is simply sexy. Every scene for the entire first hour is seductive; you can feel the tension building between Leila and David. Their interaction and chemistry make this film shine.

However, after the first hour the film takes a harsher tone that I wasn’t quite prepared for. Leila, as she tells you through contemplative narration, is not the dating type. When David experiences a huge loss she doesn’t know how to handle the situation and their ‘relationship’ falls apart. I say ‘relationship’, because at this point David knows her name is Leila and . . . well that’s it actually.  As we know I am not against nontraditional relationships, but it seems odd to not share anything with someone who has shared so much with you.

All things being equal, this film is a gem. I commend the actors and director for being brazen enough to make this film. They were able to take a standard formula, remove the gunk, inject some realism and come out with a film that responsibly handles the content it covers. Aside from the pretentious analytics, this film is hot. Balfour and Smith are gorgeous, and together they smolder on screen.

Lie With Me is the Let’s Talk About Sex pick of the month for November 2010, and is the very first recipient of the new CERTIFIED SEXY seal. You can buy ‘Lie With Me’ from Amazon.com in our shop.

In many ways, being single is a great advantage to being paired. For instance, if I want to get drunk and slutty or leave my head and my heart on the dance floor, I can. I get the freedom to explore and try anything I want without needing to consider someone else. However, there also downsides to being single. These revolve around not having someone in your corner when you need them or having the empty side of the bed. In my case, none of this effects me. (That is a lie.)

In no way am I looking to be paired, but I am not against being paired either. At this point in my life, like many of you, I am focused. I am working towards my degree, building a career, working on passion projects (like this one), and making sure that I am happy with myself and the people around me. I am not concerned with dating. Often I see people in relationships and look upon them with envy. I am not envious of their love and everything else, instead I am envious of the regular sex that they should be having.

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Running LA’s longest running weekly burlesque show is no easy task, but the foulmouthed buxom burlesque babe Lili VonSchtupp is up for the challenge. We caught up with the betasseled vixen and asked her your diamond studded questions. Are your thunder thighs to shocking to be on

stage? How does a girl from Iowa end up doing striptease in LA? Where does one find a lavender rhinestone ostrich feather boa? Lili has the answers, and come glitter shortage or sequins malfunction she’s gonna tell you.

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Sex has to be the most complicated word in the English language. It probably has about 6.4 billion definitions, which is roughly equal to the amount of people angered by the ending of every M. Night Shyamalan film. 6.4 billion Definitions and smart money would still wager that none of those comes close to really answering the question of “what is sex?”

I will concede that asking a lofty infinite loop of a question, such as this, is more than a bit pretentious. To be honest, it is a more philosophical than I would have ever expected get. It took me many hours of deep introspective thought and insightful conversations with friends, a few shots of tequila, a hooker, priest, fry cook and a cabbie to come up with the following definition:

“Sex is an act between one or more persons that has several purposes, of which include reproduction and stress relief. It can be practiced in numerous and ever expanding ways.”

Yes, it is true that the definition works but there is something about that I do not like. This definition is sterile, clinical and, more importantly, boring. Sex may be many things but it is not boring, that is if you are doing it right. This definition may be fine for Webster’s but its critical fault is that it fails to address the personal expression and intimacy that the act encompasses.  

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